Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
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She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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