get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
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Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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