90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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