I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
