saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
