After last night, I could never be a politician.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
