Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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