i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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