He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
