I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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