Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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