So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
