dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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