how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
