yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
