I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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