im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
