Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
