You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
