Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
