I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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