Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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