Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The beer is more important than you right now.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We just shotgunned beers for America
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
