Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize