Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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