if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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