I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
