I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
