Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
