Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
