what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
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So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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