Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
