I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
