i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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