He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
