you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
