if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
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It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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