Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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