My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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