i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
