he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Liz is crying about burritos again.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
