some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
