I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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