i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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