that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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