Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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