can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
