lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
