Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
