Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
