i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize