THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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