Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
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I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
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It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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