Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This is classic penis vs brain.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
