Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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