It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
