Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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