So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
